Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
barbara walters just said penis...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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