He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
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Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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