just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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