I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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