I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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