she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
