just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
