Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
