I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Randomize
