I heard we made out
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
