I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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