My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
