The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
