nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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