I met the friendliest cop last night
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
