u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
