arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My breasts were aching with rage.
third nipple confirmed
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
