the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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