your parents love me but you hate me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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