When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I came so hard my ears popped.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
