dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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