alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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