last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
