So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
