Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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