Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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