I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to