Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️