As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day