I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company