fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....