when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
