i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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