I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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