Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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