if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
