I need help removing her.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
