I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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