never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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