Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
