ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
