He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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