At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
