and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
