Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
40s are totally the cure
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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