Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
