I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
