I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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