Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
