And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
