i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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