just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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