Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
