i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
