oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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