$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.