A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!