I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
