I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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