That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
