Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
