you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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