Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
