He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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