Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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